It's been over two years since I have even opened this blog! And I randomly decided to look at it again because I have had a few ideas circling in my brain for awhile, and decided why not?!
So quick life update: I work full time in Ministry and I'm 24.... And single. Life has changed a lot in two years, God has stretched me and molded me in ways I never knew possible and I can really see the changes God has made in my life with relationships and my character. I've been single for over a year now, and honestly, I'm loving it. Of course I have dated a bit, but nothing has turned into anything, which quite frankly I'm okay with because I love my life--I love how God is pursuing me and I'm pursuing Him, I love my work and how I can dive into it. I'm content with my singleness, and I never in a million years thought I would be here. 24, single and nowhere near married. I was pretty sure I would've been the girl who was first married out of all my friends and probably have a kid on the way by now. God had other plans in mind, and I am so glad that I listened to Him (not always very willingly) and not myself because my life would be drastically different and not for the wiser.
That being said, now that I've been looking and I guess what you could say dating, I've realized that it is completely different now. Both of the two serious relationships I have had, happened while I was in school. We met through mutual friends and they both stemmed from a friendship. I LOVED that, in many ways, I knew the person I was committing to and there were no grey areas. Someone asked me recently whether I prefered dating or gaining a relationship from an existing friendship, in a heartbeat I said from a friendship! That's because it's what I know, it's what I am comfortable with, and apparently, it matches my personality type.
I took the Myer's Briggs test just the other day and it said I'm an ESFJ. After describing what this stands for, it had a section on how ESFJs respond to romantic relationships, which goes on to say "romantic relationships hold a special level of importance for ESFJs. No other kind of relationship provides people with ESFJ personality type with the same level of support and devotion, and the feelings of security and stability that come with strong romantic relationships are extremely warming... They don't do casual flings--they need to know their partners will always be by their side... marriage and family are the ultimate goal." (www.16personalities.com) When I read this, I laughed because this is me to a "T!" I thrive in a committed relationship, I don't like the grey areas that exist in the early stages of a budding romance. I like for sure things, and when I commit, it's a serious thing. Not just in relationships, but this character quality applies to every area of my life. So, "having fun" and "dating around" are just not naturally in my vocabulary, but I don't know if you all know this, but in order to actually build a relationship with someone when you're out of college, you have to date! GASP! I've gotten off really easy with my all of two serious relationships because I was friends with them first, so there was no need to "date" in order to decide we were going to be in a relationship, and this worked for me. Now, I'm 24 and having to basically date for the first time. I have this internal struggle/dialogue, where I tell God, all I want is to be friends with a guy and then have it go from there, why in the world do I have to date a complete stranger or someone I just met?! Like it makes no sense to me, but did you catch earlier when I said God was growing and stretching me? Yeah, this is an area He has been doing that too. We're here and I just hear Him saying, "We've done it your way, now let's do it mine and I promise you, I do know what I'm doing." So, I'm buckling in for the ride and just taking the twists and turns as they go!
But.....
The enemy has a funny way of working, he is evil and cruel, can rob you of your joy. So there are times when yes, I am content and trusting God in this "dating season." Then there are moments where I get bummed because so many of my acquaintances and friends are already married or engaged, I'm sitting here with my dog, Ziva. Two of my childhood friends recently got engaged and I am through the roof excited for them! I was talking with one of them the other day and she said, "This must be rough for you, Alexis." And to be quite honest, I had no idea where she was going with this.... "Both of your close friends from your childhood are getting married and you're not." My stomach dropped and if I had been alone, I probably would've started crying because I hadn't thought of it that way. I felt ashamed that I hadn't "checked that off my list yet," and my friends were already there. It made me feel like I was missing something and that I was behind. I started making excuses for myself that I have my friends, I have my work and that I'm thoroughly invested in my ministry. What she said to me ate at me for awhile, until I voiced my concerns to God and realized this was the enemy. Making me feel insecure about my singleness and making me buy into the lie that me being single is a problem that needs fixing. Here's the thing, my singleness doesn't need fixing! I'm 24 and I have a whole life ahead of me, yes, I am looking forward to marriage and having a family, but that doesn't mean I am putting my life on hold until it happens. I will not feel like something is wrong with me because I'm not in a relationship and my prayer is that my generation of ladies who are single in their 20's & 30's will feel the same. There is no shame in singleness and do not let anyone tell you anything different. You are a precious daughter of the King & He has got you! And for that reason we can all sleep soundly at night.
I hope you can relate to this and share in my victory of recognizing satan's voice in a swirl of emotions. How has God been working in your life? Where have your insecurities been getting the best of you? What are some strategies that have worked for you when you're feeling the darkness creeping in?
--Alexis
